PARADOX

I fought myself being myself

Allowing my conscience

To plunge into an ocean of blood

Stabbing dishonesty and choosing

Honesty over everything else

Today I laugh at myself

For being a stupid crusader

Foolish enough to lose out

On the many opportunities

That promised greener pastures

Abandoned by some friends

Forgotten by advantage seekers

Banished by snatchers of my ideas

I find myself in a deep black hole

Digging hard into the grave of my identity

Promises made to me lie

Long broken in the valley of darkness

Many a times I have tumbled

On skeletons of these dead promises

And got haunted by their ugly spirits

I am no more the same

My instincts have run insane

Every drop of sweat I wasted in vain

Has pushed me into a state of disdain

Intolerably keeps increasing an inner pain

If I choose to speak out

I am shown the way out

If I defuse the ticking bomb inside

A real ‘me’ within me dies inside

Over a million times

Lying on the bed of thorny questions

All these years I have turned

Into an insomniac with hope

For less nightmarish nights

But all in vain

The battle within me has taken me far

To a self created premise of lawlessness

Everything is fair out here

Be it killing or conspiring

It helps me live with dignity

I have whined and I have complained

But I yet to lose out to myself

I have to continue fighting myself

Being honestly myself

Just for the sake of creative justice

-vociferous